How Alcohol Abuse Affects Relationships
Written by The Orlando Recovery Center
& Medically Reviewed by Dr. Kevin Wandler, MD
Medically Reviewed
Up to Date
Last Updated - 02/06/2025
View our editorial policyAlcohol use can have a profound impact on every facet of a person’s life, including physical health, mental well-being and social connections. One of the most significant yet often overlooked areas is how alcohol use affects relationships. Whether you are part of a couple, have close friendships, or maintain strong family bonds, alcohol misuse can disrupt those connections in ways that might be subtle at first but become undeniably harmful over time.
In many cases, the damage builds gradually. Occasional binge drinking or using alcohol as a way to cope with stress might not seem immediately problematic. However, when alcohol starts to take center stage, it can erode trust, intimacy and emotional closeness — cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Research consistently shows that heavy alcohol use is correlated with higher rates of divorce, interpersonal conflict and domestic violence. While not everyone who drinks encounters these issues, the risk becomes more pronounced as drinking escalates.
When one or both partners in a relationship struggle with alcohol misuse, various aspects of day-to-day life can deteriorate. Communication breaks down, leading to confusion and fights. Finances can suffer as money that once went to shared expenses is diverted to alcohol purchases or alcohol-related costs (like DUIs). Emotional closeness can diminish under the weight of lies, mistrust and codependency. Over time, the negative cycle can feel insurmountable, trapping both individuals in a pattern that is difficult to break.
Fortunately, it is possible to reverse this pattern with the right support. Understanding how alcohol misuse can unravel relationships is the first step. By identifying problematic signs early and taking proactive measures, couples and families can heal and rebuild. Below, we’ll discuss the main reasons why alcohol causes relationship problems, how to recognize the signs of alcohol-related conflict, and what you can do to prevent or manage these issues. If you or a loved one needs professional help, know that support is available, including comprehensive programs like those at Orlando Recovery Center.
Why Does Alcohol Cause Problems in Relationships?
Alcohol often acts as a catalyst that amplifies existing relationship challenges. It can cloud judgment, impair communication and reduce inhibitions, which sometimes leads to hurtful or impulsive behavior. While moderate, responsible drinking does not guarantee problems, heavy or habitual misuse can profoundly shift the emotional and practical dynamics between partners, family members or friends.
Several factors can explain why alcohol might drive a wedge between people who care about each other:
- Altered Behavior and Personality: Heavy drinking can cause mood swings, aggressiveness or social withdrawal. Loved ones often feel like they are interacting with “two different people”: the sober version and the intoxicated version.
- Physical and Emotional Disconnect: Alcohol can dull emotional responsiveness and reduce a person’s ability to empathize, making them seem distant or uncaring.
- Increased Likelihood of Conflict: Drinking can make minor disagreements escalate rapidly. Under the influence, people may say or do things they regret later.
- Erosion of Trust: The cycle of promising to “cut down” or “quit” and then returning to harmful patterns can weaken trust within a relationship.
Below are some of the most common ways alcohol use can create problems in relationships.
1. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is about more than just physical closeness; it involves emotional vulnerability, shared experiences and mutual respect. When alcohol becomes a consistent presence, genuine emotional connection can break down.
- Emotional Distance: Alcohol can create a physical and emotional barrier. When someone is under the influence, they may become less responsive to their partner’s emotional cues. Over time, this can make the partner feel neglected or misunderstood.
- Reduced Quality Time: Instead of sharing meaningful experiences, couples may spend more time drinking or recovering from the effects of alcohol. Activities that once brought them together — such as date nights, engaging hobbies or simple heart-to-heart talks — may fall by the wayside.
- Physical Changes: Heavy drinking can also affect libido and overall physical health, which in turn diminishes physical intimacy. Changes in sexual desire and performance are not uncommon, potentially leading to frustration and resentments on both sides.
This erosion of intimacy doesn’t typically happen overnight. It might start with occasional instances of drunkenness leading to missed opportunities for closeness. However, as alcohol use persists or intensifies, it can become a barrier that seems difficult to overcome without professional help.
2. Deception and Mistrust
Deception can infiltrate even the strongest relationships when alcohol misuse is involved. This can manifest as outright lying, hiding bottles of alcohol or making excuses for problematic behaviors.
- Secretive Behavior: People struggling with alcohol misuse might try to conceal how much or how often they drink. They might hide bottles around the house or deny drinking when confronted, leading to a pervasive sense of dishonesty within the relationship.
- Broken Promises: Repeated assurances that they will “stop after one more” or “take a break from drinking” can create a cycle of hope followed by disappointment, slowly undermining trust.
- Gaslighting: Sometimes, the person misusing alcohol may try to minimize or dismiss their partner’s concerns. Statements like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not that bad” can make the partner question their own perceptions.
When trust is eroded, insecurity can grow on both sides. The partner who does not struggle with alcohol might feel compelled to “keep tabs” on the other, while the person with alcohol issues might react defensively. This dynamic fosters resentment, creating a vicious cycle of suspicion and deflection.
3. Codependency and Abuse
When alcohol misuse is involved, codependency can easily become part of a couple’s or family’s dynamic. Codependency is characterized by one person sacrificing their own needs to cater to someone struggling with substance use.
- Enablement: A codependent partner might repeatedly cover up for the person who misuses alcohol — calling their workplace to say they’re sick, cleaning up after them or making excuses for their behavior to others. While these actions may seem caring, they can inadvertently allow the person to continue their harmful drinking without facing the consequences.
- Emotional Abuse: Alcohol misuse can lead to emotional outbursts, heightened irritability and manipulation. In severe cases, patterns of verbal put-downs, humiliation or threats can emerge.
- Physical Abuse: Tragically, alcohol can escalate relationship conflicts to a dangerous level. According to some studies, alcohol misuse increases the likelihood of domestic violence, putting one or both partners at physical risk.
Breaking free from the cycle of codependency and potential abuse can be challenging without professional intervention. Therapy, counseling and support groups can help individuals recognize codependent patterns and learn healthier ways to cope with a partner’s or family member’s alcohol misuse.
4. Financial Problems
Financial stability is often tied to a couple’s or family’s overall sense of security and well-being. Alcohol misuse can erode this stability in several ways:
- Excessive Spending on Alcohol: The ongoing cost of alcohol can become significant, especially if someone regularly consumes large amounts or purchases expensive drinks at bars.
- Legal and Medical Expenses: DUI arrests, court fees, fines, and alcohol-related health problems can lead to mounting bills. This financial strain can create considerable stress within a relationship.
- Employment Issues: Chronic alcohol misuse can lead to job loss or reduced productivity, limiting income and jeopardizing a family’s financial future.
- Unpaid Debts and Strained Budgets: When money is diverted to alcohol or alcohol-related expenses, it can leave less for bills, savings or shared goals. This disparity in spending might spark ongoing fights about priorities and responsibilities.
When financial troubles mount, it often triggers a domino effect of stress, blame and anger. Over time, the relationship might become focused solely on surviving day-to-day crises rather than thriving together.
Signs That Alcohol Is Causing Problems in Your Relationships
Recognizing that alcohol is the culprit behind relationship turmoil can be difficult. Denial is common, both for people who misuse alcohol and for their loved ones. However, there are key indicators that suggest alcohol might be a root issue.
Below are five signs to watch out for. Being mindful of these warning signals can help you take action before conflicts escalate.
1. Alcohol Takes Priority Over Your Relationship
One of the most telling signs is when alcohol starts to overshadow everything else, including time spent with loved ones. Perhaps you notice that you consistently choose social events centered on drinking over activities with your partner or family. Maybe you find yourself preoccupied with when you can have your next drink, rather than planning a date night or dinner at home.
This shift in priority can be gradual. Initially, having a few drinks after work might feel like a harmless way to wind down. However, if it evolves into nightly or daily heavy drinking — and you opt to drink instead of be fully present with your partner — it’s a clear signal that alcohol is taking over.
Over time, this behavior can lead to isolation within the relationship. The partner who does not drink heavily may feel sidelined, resentful or lonely. Such emotional distance can deepen unless the person acknowledges the role alcohol is playing and seeks help or makes changes.
2. You Transform into a Different Person When You Drink
While social drinking can sometimes lower inhibitions in a mildly positive way (e.g., feeling more relaxed at a party), excessive alcohol use can lead to dramatic personality shifts. You might become more irritable, impulsive or emotionally unpredictable. This can create confusion for your partner or family members, who may struggle to understand why you behave so drastically differently when intoxicated.
- Mood Swings: Alcohol can exacerbate emotions, leading to sudden outbursts of anger, sadness or euphoria.
- Risky Behavior: You may engage in behaviors you otherwise wouldn’t consider, like flirting with strangers, picking fights or neglecting responsibilities.
- Verbal or Physical Aggression: In extreme cases, alcohol can trigger aggression, leading to harmful or abusive situations.
Seeing a loved one turn into an unpredictable or aggressive version of themselves is disheartening and often frightening. If this is happening regularly, it is a strong indication that alcohol is harming your relationships.
3. You Lie About Your Drinking
Honesty forms the bedrock of a healthy relationship, so when lies about alcohol consumption creep in, it signals deeper issues. Here are some examples of dishonest behaviors:
- Hiding or Lying About Amounts: You might say you only had “one or two” when you actually had far more.
- Deflecting Responsibility: “I only drink because work is stressful” or “You’d drink this much too if you had my problems.”
- Secretive Drinking: Drinking alone, in secret, or disposing of evidence (like throwing away bottles before coming home) so no one knows how much you consumed.
These behaviors can lead to a breakdown of trust that can be incredibly difficult to rebuild. The longer the dishonesty continues, the more intense the sense of betrayal can become for loved ones.
4. You’ve Replaced Some Activities With Drinking
When alcohol starts crowding out other meaningful parts of your life, it’s another red flag. Perhaps you once enjoyed going on hikes, cooking meals together or having game nights with friends. If those pastimes fade away, replaced by social gatherings that revolve purely around drinking or by nights spent alone with alcohol, it’s time to reevaluate.
Over time, these lifestyle shifts can leave your partner or close friends feeling unfulfilled. Shared interests and experiences are essential to maintaining a bond. If you or your partner is more interested in the next drink than the next shared adventure, the relationship is at risk of stagnation and emotional distance.
5. Your Sex Drive Has Changed a Lot
Alcohol can have a complex effect on sexual desire and performance. Some individuals experience a lower libido due to changes in hormone levels, emotional disconnection or chronic health issues stemming from heavy drinking. Others may experience temporary enhancements in desire but find that performance or intimacy is negatively affected.
A significant, abrupt change in sex drive can create confusion or even conflict within a relationship. The partner whose libido remains the same may feel rejected, while the partner struggling with alcohol may feel shame or embarrassment. If alcohol is at the root of this shift, addressing the underlying drinking issue is vital for restoring a healthy sexual and emotional connection.
Preventing and Addressing Issues With Alcohol in Your Relationship
Preventing or managing issues stemming from alcohol involves awareness, communication and a willingness to seek help when needed. Each relationship is unique, so strategies may vary, but certain foundational approaches can help couples and families foster healthy habits and open dialogue.
1. Be Aware of the Signs
Awareness is the first step toward prevention. By understanding the indicators of alcohol misuse — such as increased tolerance, cravings, withdrawal symptoms and relationship conflicts — you can intervene earlier. Regularly check in with yourself and your partner about alcohol use. Are things escalating? Are there more arguments? Are you feeling a disconnect? The sooner you notice potential red flags, the easier it is to address them before they become entrenched.
2. Prioritize Yourself
It might feel counterintuitive, but prioritizing your own well-being is crucial. If your partner struggles with alcohol, you cannot singlehandedly fix or manage their behavior. Focus on setting boundaries and maintaining your own mental and emotional health:
- Set Clear Boundaries: Decide what you will and will not tolerate (e.g., not riding in a car if your partner has been drinking).
- Seek Personal Therapy: Individual counseling can give you the tools to cope with stress, communicate effectively and make healthy decisions for yourself.
- Practice Self-Care: Exercise, maintain friendships, pursue hobbies and ensure you have emotional outlets that do not revolve around your partner’s alcohol use.
3. Avoid Codependency
Codependency is a challenging cycle to break, but doing so is essential for both partners. You might feel you are “helping” by covering up for your loved one’s alcohol misuse, but this typically enables harmful behavior. Instead:
- Encourage Responsibility: Let the person who is drinking face the natural consequences of their actions (e.g., being late to work, missing social events).
- Don’t Cover Up: Avoid lying to friends, family or employers about why your partner is unavailable or absent.
- Suggest Professional Help: Offer resources, but make it clear that you cannot force them to change. They must make the choice to seek help.
4. Seek Out Support Groups
Support groups can be transformative for both the person struggling with alcohol misuse and their loved ones. Groups like Al-Anon, for families affected by another person’s drinking, or Alcoholics Anonymous for individuals seeking to overcome alcohol addiction, offer a space for shared experiences, empathy and guidance.
- Community and Understanding: Hearing from people who have walked a similar path can offer validation and hope.
- Practical Tips: Support groups often share strategies for setting boundaries, managing triggers and navigating relapses.
- Accountability: Regular meetings can provide a sense of accountability, encouraging members to remain vigilant about their behaviors and habits.
5. Stage an Intervention
In some cases, a structured intervention may be necessary. An intervention involves friends, family members and sometimes a professional interventionist coming together to confront the person struggling with alcohol misuse.
- Careful Planning: Interventions should be well-planned, with each participant writing down specific concerns, examples of harmful behavior and potential solutions.
- Firm Boundaries: Everyone involved should be prepared to enforce consequences if the person refuses help.
- Professional Guidance: A counselor or interventionist can guide the process, help manage emotions and ensure the discussion remains as productive as possible.
6. Recommend Rehab
Ultimately, if alcohol misuse has reached a point where it consistently harms relationships and daily life, professional treatment may be the most effective option. Treatment plans can range from inpatient (residential) programs to outpatient services:
- Inpatient Programs: Also known as residential treatment, inpatient programs provide a structured environment away from daily triggers. This level of care often includes medical detox, individual counseling, group therapy and holistic activities.
- Outpatient Treatment: For those who cannot step away from their responsibilities, outpatient treatment provides therapy, education and support while allowing individuals to continue living at home. Intensive outpatient programs often require multiple sessions per week for therapy and counseling.
- Family Therapy: Many rehab centers incorporate family or couples counseling, recognizing that relationship dynamics play a pivotal role in recovery.
Both inpatient and outpatient programs can equip individuals and their loved ones with the skills to rebuild trust, improve communication and maintain sobriety long-term.
Get Alcohol Addiction Treatment at Orlando Recovery Center
If you find that alcohol has taken a toll on your closest relationships, it’s crucial to remember that help is available. At Orlando Recovery Center, we understand the complex interplay between substance misuse and relationship strain. Our evidence-based programs are designed not only to address the physical and psychological aspects of addiction but also to support the family system that surrounds each individual.
- Comprehensive Assessment: Upon entering our facility, each client undergoes an in-depth evaluation that helps our team develop a tailored treatment plan. We consider factors like medical history, mental health conditions, family dynamics and personal goals.
- Medical Detox: For those needing detox, our medical staff provides 24/7 supervision to manage withdrawal symptoms safely and more comfortably.
- Therapeutic Approaches: We offer individual therapy sessions, group therapy and family counseling aimed at improving communication and trust. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and other evidence-based methods form the core of our treatment approach.
- Holistic Care: Treatment at Orlando Recovery Center is not just about ending alcohol misuse; it’s about setting the stage for a healthier, more fulfilling life. Our programs may include nutritional guidance, fitness activities, mindfulness and stress-management techniques.
- Family Involvement: Healing relationships often requires active participation from loved ones. Through family therapy sessions and educational programs, we help families navigate the emotional, logistical and interpersonal challenges of addiction and recovery.
- Aftercare Planning: Recovery is an ongoing journey. Our case managers and counselors work closely with each client to develop a comprehensive aftercare plan that may include continued therapy, support group attendance and resources for rebuilding strained relationships.
Rebuilding trust and restoring emotional bonds may feel overwhelming at first, especially when alcohol misuse has caused deep fractures in a relationship. However, professional treatment can be a turning point, providing a safe space to address underlying issues and learn healthier coping strategies. If you or someone you love is ready to break free from alcohol’s negative impact on relationships, Orlando Recovery Center is here to guide you through every step of the recovery process.
If you are in a relationship or in love with someone and either of you is struggling with alcoholism, help is available. Understanding the signs that you may need rehab for your alcohol addiction is a good first step. It’s also important to keep in mind that you cannot save anyone from his or her alcoholism. They must want to get help on their own.
Contact us today to speak with one of our treatment specialists to see if rehab is right for you and to learn more about your options.
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